When it comes to couples therapy, the Gottman Method is one of the most tried-and-true approaches. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is based on decades of research and observation of couples in various stages of their relationships.
Central to the Gottman Method are three primary components: friendship, conflict management, and creating shared goals.
One: Friendship
At the core of the Gottman Method lies the concept that a strong friendship forms the foundation of a healthy, trusting relationship. But what exactly does friendship mean in the context of a romantic partnership?
In the Gottman Method, friendship is defined by several key elements, including intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Couples are encouraged to nurture their friendship by actively engaging in activities that promote deep connection. This might involve spending quality time together, engaging in meaningful conversations, and showing appreciation for one another.
The Gottman Method also emphasizes the importance of building up fondness and admiration within the relationship. As an important part of the early stages of therapy, couples are encouraged to show appreciation for each other.
This means celebrating their positive qualities and regularly expressing affection and gratitude. By looking at ways to deepen the friendship that’s inherently a part of any romantic relationship, a couple can strengthen their bond as a team.
Two: Ability to Manage Conflict
Every relationship eventually has to deal with conflict. However, how couples manage conflict can make all the difference between a relationship that lasts and one that falls apart. In the Gottman Method, couples learn practical strategies for navigating conflict in a healthy and productive manner.
Central to conflict management in the Gottman Method is the “soft start-up.” This involves approaching discussions with kindness rather than criticism. Couples are encouraged to express their needs and concerns in a constructive manner. This means using “I” statements, describing what’s happening without judging the other person, and avoiding blame on one party.
As a couple learns to manage conflict, the Gottman Method also teaches them effective communication skills, such as active listening and validation. By learning to truly listen to each other’s perspectives and validate each other’s feelings, couples can find common ground and resolve conflicts more effectively.
Three: Creating Shared Goals
In addition to friendship and conflict management, the other primary component of the Gottman Method is creating shared goals and dreams as a couple. This means identifying common values, aspirations, and priorities, and working together to achieve them.
Creating shared goals helps couples align their visions for the future. When a couple talks about these visions, they can find a greater sense of purpose in the relationship. Whether they dream of starting a family, advancing in their careers, or traveling the world, having shared goals can strengthen their bond.
This process of creating shared goals encourages open communication and collaboration. As they talk through these shared goals, the couple deepens their understanding of each other’s inner lives. By working together towards common purposes, couples can draw on this deeper sense of mutual support to weather them through the tough parts of life.
Are you ready to try the Gottman Method?
Whether you’re working through a difficult conflict, your relationship is on the rocks, or you’re just looking for a tune-up, couples therapy can make a difference. In Gottman couples therapy, you’ll learn about the components of healthy relationships and how to incorporate these into your own partnership.
Your therapist will work with you on developing better communication skills, understanding and appreciating each other’s inner lives, and celebrating who you are as a team.
To find out more about the components of Gottman Method couples therapy, please reach out to us to learn more about marriage counseling.