Trust is one of the most important building blocks of a successful relationship. It’s a social contract we enter with everyone from our parents to our children, our coworkers to our partners. In a romantic relationship, mistrust breeds conflict and leads to toxic dynamics. With time and dedication, overcoming trust issues is possible. Here are a few ways to address these barriers and make the effort toward a healthy relationship.
Get at the root of your trust issues
Understanding where these trust issues are coming from is the first step toward getting past them. Reflect with your partner (and alone) on past experiences, both within and outside of the relationship that may have contributed to the development of these barriers.
You or your partner may been through past infidelities, betrayals, or communication breakdowns. Attachment styles from early childhood experiences can also lead to trust issues. By identifying these root causes, you and your partner can address these barriers from the bottom up.
Set realistic expectations
Unrealistic expectations can be a breeding ground for trust issues. Recognize that no one is perfect, and that includes both you and your partner. Talk with your partner about relationship dealbreakers, boundaries, and what behaviors you hope to see from one another.
Discussing these relationship parameters honestly will help you both adjust your expectations and learn to deal with conflict in a healthy way.
Practice vulnerability
Trust is closely linked to vulnerability. By sharing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your partner, you’ll allow them to see your authentic self. Start small—try to share little things with each other that you haven’t told anyone else before.
Discuss feelings or reactions to situations you might otherwise be hesitant to say aloud to others. Learning to be vulnerable with one another will deepen your intimacy and break down the walls of your trust issues.
Be forgiving
Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and overcoming trust issues. This doesn’t mean condoning hurtful actions; instead, it releases the hold of resentment and allows both partners to move forward. If your partner hurts you, let them know and get the conversation started.
Take things slow and don’t rush to an emotional reaction. After you’ve both heard each other’s perspectives and concerns, find a way to let this tension go. Work on forgiving yourself and your partner. It’s an essential step in rebuilding trust and creating an environment for growth.
Follow through
Trust is built over time through consistent actions that align with your words. Work on becoming reliable and dependable by keeping your promises. Consistency builds a sense of security, which assures your partner that they can rely on you. This not only helps in overcoming existing trust barriers but also prevents the emergence of new ones.
Reflect on yourself
Overcoming trust barriers isn’t just a two-person job. Take time on your own for self-reflection to assess your behaviors and contributions to the trust barriers. Try to find areas where personal growth and improvement are needed.
Consider picking up a self-help book, developing a new hobby, or seeing a therapist to build your own sense of identity. When you feel self-assured and confident, you’re less likely to push your insecurities on your partner.
Getting help with communication
If these strategies for overcoming trust barriers aren’t strengthening your communication, consider seeing a couples therapist. Some issues in relationships can’t be handled without a professional. In therapy, you’ll learn better ways of communicating and building trust based on your unique relationship dynamics. You’ll also learn what may be contributing to trust issues, which could lead to more progress in individual therapy sessions.
To find out more about how therapy can help build trust in your relationship, please reach out to us for marriage or couples therapy.