It’s hard to know ourselves. During childhood, some of us were only viewed through our flaws. Others weren’t encouraged to develop a deep sense of identity growing up. When this happens, finding authentic connections with other people can sometimes feel impossible.
In reality, the key to building meaningful relationships lies first within yourself. The journey to opening up to intimacy with others often begins with the practice of self-intimacy, which means a deep exploration and understanding of your own thoughts, emotions, and vulnerabilities.
Opening up to others
When you’re intimately acquainted with your own desires, fears, and aspirations, you begin to communicate more authentically. This transparency allows for a deeper connection with other people. Opening up to others becomes less daunting when you’ve first opened up to yourself.
This doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. In fact, acknowledging your imperfections is a powerful testament to your authenticity.
Embracing vulnerability
Vulnerability is often misunderstood as a weakness, but in reality, it’s an important strength. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you invite others to do the same. Self-intimacy teaches you that it’s okay to be imperfect, to have fears and insecurities. As you embrace these aspects of yourself, you become more compassionate and understanding towards the imperfections of others.
Strength in setting boundaries
Self-intimacy also involves recognizing and establishing healthy boundaries. Understanding your own needs enables you to communicate effectively with others about what you require in relationships. Having healthy boundaries is a foundation for true intimacy. It allows you to feel secure in your connections while respecting the autonomy of other people.
Steps to finding self-intimacy
Develop a mindfulness practice
Mindfulness means bringing your awareness to your body, allowing thoughts to pass without judgment, and breathing deeply. Take a moment each day to focus on your five senses. Pay attention to how your breath feels inside your body.
Let your thoughts simply exist without trying to understand or criticize them. Another way to be mindful is to bring your attention fully to whatever you’re doing at that moment. Whether you’re washing dishes, walking to the post office, or sitting down for dinner, treat these activities as though they’re the most important thing you could be doing. By working on mindfulness, you’ll strengthen your mind-body connection and feel more intimate with yourself.
Connect with your body
Do activities that feel pleasurable to your body. Take yoga classes and feel your breath move your body. Eat foods that you find delicious. Take long, luxurious baths. Surround yourself in clothes and fabrics that both feel good and you find beautiful.
Meditate as you do these things—ask yourself how you feel and breathe deeply. Understanding your aesthetic sensibility and focusing on things that bring your body pleasure will deepen the connection to yourself.
Reflect on your day-to-day thoughts
Get into a practice of journaling. Document your thoughts and feelings on a regular basis. If that means once a week to start with, that’s a great beginning. Record what feels important to you as well as small, insignificant details that bring you pleasure. When you write down your life, you’re better able to reflect on what’s meaningful to you.
Do you want to develop self-intimacy?
For some people, becoming self-intimate in order to connect with others is easier said than done. You may be feeling unable to access that part of yourself due to trauma, a difficult childhood, or relationship baggage. Therapy can help. A therapist will work with you to uncover what it is that’s blocking you from yourself. You’ll learn ways of managing your emotions and coping with difficulties in a healthy way.
To find out more about how gay mens counseling can help you become intimate with yourself, please reach out to us.