Every relationship has its ups and downs. Avoiding conflict forever isn’t really a feasible goal. In fact, sometimes, it can actually be a good thing for couples to argue in a productive way. But oftentimes, conflicts can center around a few specific triggers, which are typically unique to a couple’s dynamic. This can be frustrating; having the same fight over and over is unproductive, exhausting, and builds resentment. Here are several common conflict triggers and how to cope with them as a couple.
Unmet expectations
Expectations play a huge role in relationships. We expect our partners to behave like us in many ways: how we handle money, how we spend our free time, attitudes toward parenting and family dynamics, and other issues. When these implicit expectations go unstated and unmet, one person ends up feeling disappointed and frustrated.
The other person might also feel exasperated since they cannot possibly read their partner’s mind. To avoid this, it’s important for couples to communicate openly about their expectations, negotiate differences, and find compromises that work for both people.
Communication breakdowns
One of the primary triggers for conflicts in couples is when communication breaks down. Misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and poor communication can lead to frustration and heated arguments. Effective communication should be a top priority for every couple.
Taking the time to listen actively, speak up about your thoughts and feelings, and avoid making assumptions can significantly improve communication, making arguments happen less often.
Unresolved relationship baggage
When we have had issues with others in the past, whether they’re from other romantic relationships, attachment issues with parents, or other interpersonal traumas, our ideas about them can seep into relationship conflicts. For example, one person might pull away emotionally because it’s how they protected themselves in a past toxic relationship.
To combat this issue, make sure to address any lingering emotional wounds and work towards healing your past self or inner child. Your prior experiences influence your behaviors today, and it’s important to understand how these threads appear.
External stressors
Everyone goes through tough periods at some point. Work pressures, financial challenges, or family issues can significantly impact a couple’s dynamic. When a person is stressed, they may be more prone to expressing frustration or irritability towards their partner.
This can snowball into a cycle of conflict. One person comes home angry and picks a fight with the other, which in turn gets the other person angry too. If you’re going through a particularly stressful time, talk it through with your partner.
Sexual and intimate incompatibility
Different ideas about sex, levels of desire, and what intimacy means are a very common issue for couples. Life stressors often seep into a dwindling sex life; when work is tough, parenting is going through a rough patch, or someone is experiencing grief, sex is usually put on the back burner.
Over time, this builds resentment between couples which leads to conflict. One partner has unmet needs while the other feels unheard and misunderstood. This is an issue best explored in therapy.
Have you been in a cycle of conflict?
While it’s normal to have an argument now and then, if you’re struggling with the same conflict triggers over and over, it’s time to talk to a therapist. In therapy, you can explore these relationship triggers in a safe environment, develop effective communication skills, and work towards a healthier and more fulfilling connection. By addressing these challenges head-on, you can transform these heated moments into opportunities for growth and understanding.
To find out more about how marriage counseling can help couples cope with heated moments, please reach out to us.