The Gottman Method has emerged as one of the most popular methods of couples therapy. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this approach to couples therapy is grounded in decades of research and clinical observation.
At its core are several key tenets that form the foundation for healthier communication and stronger relationships. The Method uses the Sound Relationship House theory, which is the metaphorical structure of a healthy relationship. These key tenets form each floor of the Sound Relationship House.
Building love maps
Love maps refer to the understanding of your partner’s inner world—their thoughts, dreams, fears, and joys. In the Gottman Method, partners are encouraged to continually update and deepen their knowledge of each other.
By staying attuned to your partner’s inner landscape, you can better respond to their needs and desires. This, in turn, builds your intimacy and brings you closer together.
Expressing fondness and admiration
The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of regularly verbalizing admiration and fondness, as well as expressing gratitude for the small gestures that show you love one another. These acts of kindness and affirmation keep your bond strong, even when you’re going through challenges.
Turning towards each other
In every interaction, couples have the choice to either turn towards, turn away, or turn against each other. Turning towards involves responding to your partner’s bids for connection with attentiveness and warmth.
The Gottmans’ research highlights how important these micro-moments of connection are in building trust and intimacy. By consistently turning towards each other, showing interest in one another, and responding to bids for attention, couples deepen their connection.
Managing conflict
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how it’s handled determines its impact. The Gottman Method provides tools for navigating conflict constructively and views conflict not as something that can be solved, only managed. It emphasizes the importance of understanding each other’s perspectives, practicing active listening, and avoiding destructive communication patterns.
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are all hallmarks of relationship-ending communication behaviors. By working toward mutual respect and empathy, couples can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding.
Making life dreams come true
Shared dreams and aspirations form the fabric of a fulfilling partnership. The Gottman Method encourages couples to explore and support each other’s life dreams, whether they relate to career goals, family planning, or personal growth.
When couples look at their future plans as an opportunity for collaboration, they can cultivate a sense of shared purpose and direction, which strengthens their bond in the process.
Creating shared meaning
Beyond the day-to-day routines, successful couples have their own rituals and traditions that imbue their relationship with meaning. These rituals might involve celebrating relationship milestones, practicing long-held family traditions (and starting new ones), or diving into shared hobbies. By creating shared meaning, the couple deepens their connection and gives their partnership a narrative for the future.
Trust and commitment
Trust forms the bedrock of any healthy relationship. The Gottman Method helps couples rebuild trust by committing to transparency, accountability, and integrity in their interactions. Both partners commit to prioritizing the relationship and invest in its growth, even during challenging times. This translates to success and long-term fulfillment.
Are you ready to try the Gottman Method?
If you’ve been struggling with communication, finding yourself butting heads, or just want a relationship tune-up, the Gottman Method might be right for you. Building a strong relationship is an ongoing journey that needs effort and dedication from both partners. Therapy can give you the space to explore these principles, address your underlying issues, and develop the skills you need to nurture a deeper, more fulfilling connection.
To find out more about how the Gottman Method can help you communicate better, please reach out to us to learn more about marriage counseling.